Contentment

Once ensconced in cousin A's home, I didn't feel the need to leave for two weeks. Not only am I crazy about her, but we seemed to get into a rhythm which suited us both. I even believed her when she said she would miss me: I know I've already been missing her. 

A is everyone's favorite person and it used to drive me nuts because I'd always imagined myself as America's Sweetheart. Never mind that I'm not kind (or tall) enough, I felt it was my rightful title and A was usurping it. Eventually, I came to terms with my lack of kindness (and height) and realized that since I think the world of her, it was natural for the rest of the world to do the same.  In one of my kinder moves, ever since she told me of her pregnancy (with her now one year old, N), I even decided to stop spreading nasty, false rumours about her.

While N is as charming as can be, those days I spent hanging out with her only cemented my feelings of being very happy to NOT have a similar responsibility. A is a wonderful mother and from what I saw, enjoying every moment with her baby. Even planning for more. Maybe it's been a while since I've spent much time around small children and I'm just out of practice. Maybe the idea of putting in as much effort as I see A doing is exhausting to me. Maybe I really am over my baby fever. Whatever the reason, I was once again surprised to find myself in the "love them then leave them" category. 

Not only have I given up my dreams of being adored by all, I've given up the idea of myself as Super Mom. I'm not sad about these lost titles, just sad to have wasted so many years thinking I needed them to be applied to me. It's a good feeling to no longer yearn for something that may never happen. And an even better feeling to be satisfied with knowing that while I'm adored by way less than everybody, they're the right bodies.