So, I think there are two schools of thought about how to handle an illness. There's the suck-it-up-and-keep-going school and the hide-in-bed-for-three-days school. Obviously, not every ailment is suck-upable. And not every sick person has the luxury of wallowing in bed for three days. But the way I see it, I have these options and I think the reason I'm still suffering is I haven't chosen one or the other.

When I had a job to go to everyday, when I felt things couldn't work without me, I would stock up on nasal spray and grit my teeth and get through the day. I rarely called in sick and often wouldn't even mention I wasn't feeling well. That was just a false sense of indispensableness, I suppose. Or a way to not seem weak. Whatever the motivation, I believe there's something to "fake it 'til you make it". Pretend you're just fine and sooner or later, you're fine!

Since I don't have somewhere to be on a daily basis right now, I've tended more towards the wallowing. But I haven't fully committed to it. I lie in bed for a few hours and then feel guilty I'm not looking harder for a job and get up and start working on applications and writing samples. Then I swig some cough syrup and crawl back under the covers and try not to swallow. But then I remember I'm supposed to make dinner and be somewhere, so I force myself up and into the shower and out the door. 

Yesterday was the first day I spent fully focused on getting well. I kept myself doped up and sleepy and rarely got out from under my covers. My goal was to not feel pain and I managed to get pretty close. 

Today I rallied for a birthday party and I'm glad I did. It did me a world of good to get out and see new faces. And tonight, my bed feels all the better because of it.