What to do? What to do? A man told me he is in love with me and it feels a bit as if he thinks his claim is staked. While his declaration was a surprise to me, we have known each other for a while. I'm fond of him. We seem to talk easily with each other, about our families, our opposing political views. I find him attractive. He's generous. Did I mention he said he's in love with me?

And then there are the cons: the biggie-we live in different states. He smokes. We tend to piss each other off on a fairly regular basis. Did I mention the opposing political views? He says I'm pushing away from him, whether from fear or low interest. Both? Both.

As to the low interest, did I mention we live in different states? We're not going to live in the same place any time soon; this really makes things difficult. I have an idea of how a relationship should look and for me, it includes being in the same room with a man at least several times a week. 

I can't up and move for someone with whom I don't have that tangible experience. I almost did that once and it would have been a disaster. It would be really nice to have learned a lesson from that. And I think I have. It really is difficult to conduct a long distance relationship when I know there are men nearby with whom I could be giving it a go. There's a balance I need to find for how much time and energy I can put into something that's so difficult to imagine happening.

The fear. I do have a fear of commitment. I do tend to push away when I sense interest and cling to the tiny scraps thrown my way from a man who no longer shows much interest at all. Not investing in someone means less chance of being hurt by that someone. Sad, but how my brain works. Sometimes I think I'm pushing this away because I'm afraid it could actually work. And then sometimes, as C pointed out, what I'm actually afraid of is not having ANYONE, so I keep things like this possibility alive because there's SOMETHING there, no matter how small or strained it may be. 

L-word guy (a different P) is not going to like this post. But it's honest and as much thought as I can put into this for now.